I understand that you are looking to coach again. I can’t blame you. There are a lot of openings in the NFL right now. You are the hottest coaching prospect. Owners are going to open their wallets to you. The fans are going to love you the same way they did in Houston and Tennessee. Wherever you go, I am sure you are going to be a huge success.
Let me help you select your next coaching job. I know you have an agent, a manager, a guy to trim your mustache (second to Tom Selleck, but number one in sports, btw) and a great football mind of your own. I do think I can assist you on this adventure, so please allow me!
Miami: Warm weather. A rich owner with some really cool friends as minority owners. Jimmy Buffett. Marc Anthony. Gloria Estefan. JLo (I think she is still a minority owner, but she is driving a Fiat 500 these days so I am not sure, plus there is that whole divorce from Mr. Anthony) and let’s not forget Fergie and Serena Williams, but she admitted she doesn’t like sports this week, so bad karma. Maybe you should take a look at the organization and the football team itself. Novel concept I know. They need a quarterback. Running game seems like its in good shape. Despite a series of losing seasons, the Dolphins have always been king in Miami. Oh and they don’t have a state income tax. Another con, you wont need that cool hoodie eight games out of the year you love to wear.
Tampa Bay: Warm weather. Rich owners that own a soccer team in the UK, so if you want to try your hand at another sport called FUTBOL you are half way there! They also have that awesome pirate ship that fires its cannons when they score. On the other hand, they don’t score much. They lost their last ten games last year and they have a ton of needs. Once again, they don’t have a state income tax. Another con, you wont need that cool hoodie eight games out of the year you love to wear. You also get to pick your entire coaching staff, for the record I am available!
St. Louis: They play in a dome. It’s a storied franchise. They have a quarterback of the future and you are great with young players. They do own the number two overall pick in the upcoming draft. It’s very cold outside the building but they have the biggest upside of all the teams needing a coach. They also have that really awesome arch with an elevator in it. The town loves winning, just ask the Cardinals, they just won the World Series. No pressure!
Jacksonville: Warmer weather. It’s like southern Georgia, just a little colder than Miami and Tampa. The team is a mess BUT in a few years you would be coaching in Los Angeles when the teams moves there. SO keep in mind, you would be rubbing elbows with people even bigger than those in the owners box in Miami. Coaching in the number two market in the country after years without a team would be pretty cool. Hoodie needed at the end of the season and until you move to LA, no state income tax.
Kansas City: Great BBQ. Cold weather, so wear the hoodie during at least eight games a year. Quarterback? Well, the Broncos didn’t want him, they wanted Saint (not the New Orleans kind) Tebow yet Orton won the match up, so what does that tell you. Great fans in a great football city with a very long tradition. AFL roots like you had when you started with the Oilers.
Jeff, I don’t envy you and your decision. You didn’t go the studio analyst route or color commentator way, so the sideline truly is the best place for you. It’s home. Yes home. But what city should you call home? After weighing your options, it is a tough choice. Five openings. Five opportunities to be the MAN again.
May I suggest closing your eyes and just throwing a dart at a map of the US? Perhaps, a rock, paper, scissors tournament to the finish? Seriously, don’t do cold weather. You are an outside guy but you should enjoy the sunshine, so out is Kansas City and St. Louis. So let’s turn around attention to the Sunshine State. Tampa, yeah, don’t do it. They are a mess.
And then there were two: Miami and Jacksonville. Tough choice. Coaching among the stars today or tomorrow?
Go for tomorrow. Go to Jax. Miami is no place for a guy like you. You are a serious football guy and Sun Life Stadium plays the Macarena more than they score touchdowns. Go to North Florida, spend a few years building a winning team and then enjoy the move to Southern California and live the great life. Become the MAN in a town starving for pro football in a brand new state of the art stadium.
Thanks again for asking for my advice. As always, it is my pleasure to provide it.
Regardless of what you decide, thanks again for promise of a sideline pass. As much as I enjoy the free food in the press box and the elbow rubbing with the minority owners, I like being among the action, I know you love being in the middle of it all.
Welcome back to the NFL!
PS: Have a nice day!